thoughts while working in a card store when you're sad as hell

thoughts while working in a card store when you're sad as hell

1) who was the reckless and inconsiderate sadist that let all of these cards go to print

2) i hope that card is still there when this is over. i know just the home for it.

3) you're not psychic and that's a little presumptuous of you, syd. what if you're never able to deliver that card to its rightful owner? then what? you've stared at that card for a month and assured this intimate object that you knew just the place for it. you're a fucking liar, sydney alicia.

4) I hope I get to deliver this card to its home.

5) calm down please. that cute and succinct card clearly states that "everything will be okay in the end"

6) don't take advice from recycled paper products

7) these pop up cards are SO aggressive

8) nobody wants to buy an anniversary card from a girl who can't stop shedding bby tears

9) i want to burn that lilly pulitzer planner. might be my current state of mind. might be the confusing floral pattern. who's to say?

10) you're being very selfish by feeling what you're feeling, syd.

11) you know that's not true and I'm sure there's a card here that will reassure you of that.

12) who put breathe (2AM) on the queue????!?!?!?

13) oh, that was 200% me.

14) you all know this song is about ABORTION!

15) your total is $4.78. would you like a bag for this bar mitzvah card? did you know this song was about abortion?? have a great day :)

16) this list is insane and you need to be stopped

17) well, nobody is stopping the person who keeps putting kittens on all of these cards for literally no reason. those cats are absolutely inessential to the card. and due to that, nobody should stop me.

18) i'm going to go pee and cry real quick. it's called multi-tasking, have you heard of it?

19) maybe I should get something pierced in an effort to re-direct my mind???

20) you really are not great at processing your feelings, sydney. like, I am you and even I'm slightly shocked and concerned.

21) maybe if I keep quiet crying, they'll just let me go home.

22) that's kinda fucked up. go eat some pizza, rearrange the elaborate birthday candle display, take a stroll to the humorous sock corner, and calm down please. the card clearly stated that it was going to be okay.