USP - Day 12
Thinking about Foxygen's song No Destruction.
'Oh destructor, you’re so destructive to me
No destruction in the waking hour
You politely say I miss you but we know you don’t mean that anymore
You may take what you are given but you leave it on the floor'
I think the lyrics in this song are such a brilliant way to say such a familiar thing.
It's hard to let people go. How does anyone do it? Even when you don't love them anymore, cutting ties feels like severing a limb.
Regardless of how independent and moved on I am, there’s still this lingering feeling of connection. And I guess that can’t really be broken, but I have so much trouble connecting with people in the first place that even a phantom love is a prominent force.
Kind of sad. My first breakup really did me dirty. I don’t have faith in my ability to connect anymore. But I remind myself: it is better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you a worse version of yourself.
I’m so exhausted. Being alone seems better than most things right now.
Is that okay?
What if I’m alone forever?
I think that maybe that's okay. And it's okay not to know. As long as I’m not forever lamenting the one time I did feel love. That part is what I’ll have to work on.