USP - Day 27
Breathing in so hard it stings the back of my throat reminds me of soccer practice
T-shirts at night and
'it's only 7 o'clock?'
This warm weather gives me goose bumps
it calls back childhood
In all the wrong ways:
The feeling of being in a body that does not belong to you
Noticing your stomach
Am I young or am I old?
How is it that I feel burdened with wisdom and handicapped by ignorance?
My body feels new but worn
And it's not the one i wanted
And it doesn't work the way I want it to
And I sprained my ankle and no one will help me with my books
I get my heels dirty in the park and pick soil from under my fingernails
and know that I'm not cool enough for them or you or who I wanna be and I just wish someone would bully me already so I could justify feeling so bullied
Cause I don't know anything except that I'm happy-sad for no reason
Is it because everyone is falling in love?
Did I forget what love feels like or have I never felt love at all?
I'm mad at my sister and I don't feel cute
And I'm living like you're supposed to so why do I feel unfulfilled?
I knock on the door of 12 year old me.
Spring blooms all around and California sprouts orange poppies that my old friends and ex-lovers flock to for new profile pictures.
I hug me. I borrow her shirt. I put some lipstick on her small mouth and say
"Hey kid. It's gonna get better and it's gonna get worse."
But at least I've got you